25 April 2010

Missed opportunity, regret, what could have been. It weighs on my mom, she tell me so, there is longing in her heart, if only she had just tried again, been forced to think through her reasons for walking away from law, might she have been a judge? Who knows. But certainly there is pain in an opportunity lost, in wondering about never even having played your hand.

How hard I am on my father, too hard, too condescending, too arrogant, too quick to anger and too slow to patience, so much he has given me, how i have been led and blessed through him, yet all i can see are his flaw. when one day i am a father, it will be the delight of my heart to see my son look up to me, respect me, love me; my father certainly deserved at least this from me. i have been so blinded till now, but i have the rest of my life to live a different way.

Today downloading music, i can say that i rejoice, any thing done beautifully is truth and pleasing to the Lord, and this kind of dedication i want to patronize, encourage, and enjoy.

I am rethinking how the father views us. he could not have charged us with a more meaningful and dear mission. and it was he who chose us. who chose me. it was to fisherman he said, come, and follow me, be my disciples. and in messianic times, how much that would have meant. And he asks us to be like him, he shows he has more faith in me that i have in myself. i want to walk on the water like him, and he says, come to me, and i need to have faith that he will complete the good work in me he has chosen to do, i need to have faith in the belief has has in me.